that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
