I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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