If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
