I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
