And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
