You're so nebulous sometimes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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