Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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