Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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