I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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