Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize