I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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