thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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