evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have post one night stand depression
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