I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she smelled like a LAN party
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
