She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
