You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
