There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
3pm strippers are depressing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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