Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
