are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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