You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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