12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
