when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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