i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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