How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
