i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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