I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
