I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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