You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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