Umm I'm too high to move.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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