Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
