Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
