i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
