So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
