This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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