drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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