reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
