Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
