Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
