Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
