You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
