am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
