I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
