Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
