I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
this hospital has no fireball
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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