let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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