She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
