When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
