and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
false alarm, still single
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