you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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