Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
