I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
