He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
