Everything about him screamed your future.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
