my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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