tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
