I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
