Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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