Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
