everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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