The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
