So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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