i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
