As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
