Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Damn victory sex feels great
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