Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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