Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
