i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
