How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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