I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
