we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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