dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
