If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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