I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
