I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
