i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
