He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
