I smell stomach acid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Use "feeling words"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.