she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries