Texts From Last Night

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  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

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  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14790) Bad night (3464)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?

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  (203): What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face? http://tfl.nu/dot3
  Replies (57) Good night (4174) Bad night (1735)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms

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  (239): apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms http://tfl.nu/7buk
  Replies (8) Good night (4595) Bad night (997)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"

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  (440): Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little" http://tfl.nu/17w7
  Replies (6) Good night (3308) Bad night (955)
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  (323): View more from California

  Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!

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  (323): Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end! http://tfl.nu/gq8b
  Replies (2) Good night (1176) Bad night (744)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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  (314): I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over. http://tfl.nu/eyog
  Replies (3) Good night (737) Bad night (1236)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?

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  (856): I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police? http://tfl.nu/pr1m
  Replies (5) Good night (1165) Bad night (814)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.

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  (724): Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me (1-724): He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit. http://tfl.nu/ml5w
  Replies (5) Good night (1499) Bad night (530)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.

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  (732): Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking. http://tfl.nu/mu8a
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (417)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened

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  (904): show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened http://tfl.nu/zata
  Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him

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  (904): He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him http://tfl.nu/dcu2
  Replies (4) Good night (795) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.

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  (860): So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah. http://tfl.nu/6xvo
  Replies (0) Good night (702) Bad night (302)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE

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  (850): ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE http://tfl.nu/47vt
  Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (277)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.

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  (913): I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it. http://tfl.nu/jhg3
  Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (207)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.

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  (919): No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions. http://tfl.nu/s4to
  Replies (3) Good night (199) Bad night (380)

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