Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.

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  (973): I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like. http://tfl.nu/4kjo
  Replies (13) Good night (4803) Bad night (616)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.

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  (901): god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is. http://tfl.nu/53e5
  Replies (29) Good night (4768) Bad night (1377)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  eww mummy girl is here...

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.

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  (708): eww mummy girl is here... (931): what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals. http://tfl.nu/7ng0
  Replies (4) Good night (1040) Bad night (3969)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

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  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
  Replies (13) Good night (5330) Bad night (1703)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami

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  (+44): he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami http://tfl.nu/r6ze
  Replies (22) Good night (1153) Bad night (3863)
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  (707): View more from California

  And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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  (707): And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope. http://tfl.nu/sve4
  Replies (13) Good night (1370) Bad night (4064)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk

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  (740): We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk http://tfl.nu/up7x
  Replies (2) Good night (2108) Bad night (835)
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  (562): View more from California

  Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.

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  (562): Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid. http://tfl.nu/2ztg
  Replies (23) Good night (2025) Bad night (958)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?

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  (515): He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for? http://tfl.nu/vbci
  Replies (4) Good night (1111) Bad night (223)
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  (631): View more from New York

  he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader

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  (631): he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader http://tfl.nu/jd8g
  Replies (6) Good night (686) Bad night (492)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.

  (561): View more from Florida

  Your mother would be so proud

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  (843): I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom. (561): Your mother would be so proud http://tfl.nu/t9pg
  Replies (5) Good night (811) Bad night (283)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.

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  (757): Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers. http://tfl.nu/o7tu
  Replies (3) Good night (380) Bad night (366)
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion

  (743): View more from

  It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you

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  (681): I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion (743): It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you http://tfl.nu/rspk
  Replies (3) Good night (1081) Bad night (316)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.

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  (863): I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever. http://tfl.nu/l0yy
  Replies (4) Good night (509) Bad night (234)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?

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  (817): When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control? http://tfl.nu/7vjk
  Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (209)

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