im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.