Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?