Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
