We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
